People come and go, from your life and from life in general. A few stick around for varying lengths of time. A week, month, year or longer. But in the end, everyone leaves. They can shuffle off this mortal coil or they can just find people other than you they'd rather connect to. I've had friends I don't see any more. I have friends I don't see as much as I'd like. I will have friends in the future I don't know now. I'll form relationships, I may even be in a loving one, we'll laugh, we'll hurt, we'll fall apart or last forever. We shift around, the majority of the people we meet in a day are unimportant to us, but may be of the utmost importance to someone else. I know myself that most people who meet me won't remember me, and that's okay. The trick is making the people that matter remember you. Sometimes that's hard and sometimes you feel forgotten by those that matter. I often feel I feel more for others than they feel for me. It's something I've felt all my life. From friendships formed at six to friendships formed in the last year.
Yet I've never been able to deal with it. Can I handle rejection? Yes. The same way I handled being bullied, the same way I handle any hate I receive... I internalise it, I fictionalise it, I rationalise it. I'll be okay, I'm always okay. Maybe I have a higher opinion of myself than others do. I think I can be funny. I think I can be caring. I think I can be smart. Maybe that's it. I'm okay. Average. Nothing more, nothing less. Easily ignored, easy to throw away, replaceable. A background character.
Maybe.
Later days.
xx
Sunday, 28 October 2012
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
